Worried about what might happen if…?
Expecting something bad to happen? Could it be just as possible that everything will be ok?
For many of us, anxiety is our default thought. When we start thinking about a future event, we become anxious. We become anxious because we don’t know what might happen in the future. The unknown is too hard to bear, so we make up possibilities in our mind—something bad will happen. This thought triggers never-ending worry.
To quell that worry, we begin to prepare. If we are prepared enough, maybe that terrible future will not happen. So, we think of something we can do to prevent an unpleasant future, such as maybe reviewing what we might say.
For example, we might have to tell our partner to stop coming into the kitchen when we are there. We expect our partner will not take this request well and might give a negative retort because of feeling criticized. Then we feel anxious and worry about how to make this request without engendering that anger, or we stuff our upset about being crowded in the kitchen.
Both the anxiety and thinking about how to reduce that anxiety keep us from feeling the joy and satisfaction that can come from just being present with what we are currently experiencing. We retreat into our heads instead of staying with what is before us.
Of course, we sometimes got rewarded for feeling anxious, for worrying, and then for doing something to prevent an unpleasant future event. We studied hard and got a good grade; we rehearsed a speech, which made us more confident when we gave that speech. We then use anxiety as a motivator to spur us on.
But what if we did not expect a bad result? What if we expected that we will perform well?
So, to change unreasonable expectations that create worry, change the expectations into ones that build confidence. “I will prepare, but I won’t let anxiety be my motivator. I know I will do well. I do not have to anticipate how others will receive my efforts.”
P.S. Find expectations that cause you anxiety in Escaping Expectations.
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